Damage control dating
Whether motivated by excessive drunkenness,insane jealousy, crippling insecurity, the aftermath is always the same. We shall not dwell on you stalked your ex and showed up at the karaoke bar to confront him and his new girlfriend (that’s for you and your therapist to discuss), we want to talk about how to recover from the incident with your dignity intact. Apologize for the incident, but not for your existence. And dear Lord, please don’t threaten him into forgiving you. Example: “I’m very sorry that I got really drunk, tried to make out with your friend in front of you and then puked at your birthday party. Resist the urge to talk about it incessantly with him. He’s probably thinking about how he might have hurt your feelings and how he hates to make girls cry. Take solace in the thought that sometimes things are worse in our minds than they are in real life and that people pay less attention to us than we do to ourselves and cut it out with the self-flagellation. It’s a skill we all should have learned as kids, but depending on our family situations or our love histories, something might have gotten lost in translation.
One incident of bunny boiling does not make you a psycho a la Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction,” it makes you a human being who made a mistake that you now need to atone for. As we’ve pointed out, you are human, who made a mistake in the name of love, not a fucking leper. This was totally out of character for me and it won’t happen again.” If humor is your forte, you can make a joke about it. One of the many wonderful things about guys is that they usually forgive and forget quickly. Speaking of bringing the incident up again, you shouldn’t. He’s not replaying every word of your tirade or remembering how much snot came out of your nose when you were crying (the things that are making you want to die today). If you have trouble talking yourself down in romantic situations, then you need to learn how to do this so you stop lashing out anytime you are upset.
Every single one of us, with the exception of PERFECT PEOPLE or those who are not yet old enough to have experienced temporary romantic insanity, have had off-the-richter scale embarrassing bunny boiling moments. Let him forget about it (and you) like he wants to. If you can’t forget about it and feel as if you must discuss the incident for your own peace of mind, do it with someone other than the bunny boileree. While you’re sitting around obsessing over how you made a scene, showing up on his doorstep and crying because he cancelled plans with you and you thought he was with another girl, remember, he’s probably not remembering the incident with the same attention to detail the next day. The most important thing you can do to combat intense emotional reactions is learn to self-soothe.
"Maybe, maybe a 45-year-old guy will grudgingly agree to go out with someone who's 35," she said. And ask her: "How dare you judge a friend's relationship on a single criterion, and such a shallow one at that?